The Coward's way
by Ishasuki Mitochi
Summary: He knew that those were his only options, and none of them were good. There is another option, whispered an insistent voice from the darkest corner of his mind. You could remove yourself from the equation.


**The Coward's Way is just a muse of mine. Most of my one-shots are, actually. This short drabble is focased on Shikamaru, and it's set sometime in the future. When, you ask? Ummm, I really don't know. Just the future.**

He had a headache again. He was supposed to be working on a battle plan, but it wasn't working out like that. The war was looking up for the Sand. And down for Konoha. Ugh. Sand. Temari.

He sighed. Temari. He wondered how she was doing. Since the start of the war, he hadn't seen her at all. No letters, either. Their relationship was no secret, at least, not since their daughter, Mai, was born. He wondered what Temari had told the sweet little six-year-old when Tsunade had forced him to stop sending letters. Unfortunately, she wasn't able to send him letters either, so he was in the dark as to the welfare of the two most important people in his life.

He stared up at the clouds. At least he knew she wasn't fighting. His comrades would have seen her. Naruto (who, through the use of clones, was everywhere all the time) swore that she hadn't been in any of the battles so far. He suspected that she'd refused to fight against her husband's village. She was certainly stubborn enough too. The only thing that could force her to do something she didn't want to was fear for her loved ones. But Gaara would never use Mai that way. Then again, we had thought that Gaara would never start a war with Konoha, either. Shikamaru was forced to re-evaluate Gaara's character when the war cry came.

He sighed. He hated being wrong. He knew that there was a possibility of war, but it had never seemed substantial enough to credit. Now that war had indeed arrived, his calculations meant nothing.

Then it came to the problem at hand. Tsunade had informed him that he did not have to fight, but she did expect him to come up with battle plans to help the village. The problem was, most of the best of those plans involved the fastest and least risky ways to kill enemy ninja. But they weren't enemies to Shikamaru. He'd lived in the sand village during Temari's pregnancy, and several times as an ambassador. The Suna nin were his friends. He'd remained a ninja of Konoha (you can hardly go around _changing_ which village you work for) but his heart was in Suna, with his wife.

It was a question of Loyalty. Who was he loyal to? His family? But he had a family in both villages! He tried to write battle plans, but as he invisioned the enemy nin, he kept seeing familiar faces. Keppi, the sweet young neice of Baki, just recently made a chunin. Baki himself. Kankarou, who Shikamaru had become friends with. He saw Shako, Temari's apprentice with the fan, getting cocky and falling into the trap he was devising. But worst of all, he saw Temari, forced by the threat to her daughter, falling prey to his carefully planned strategy.

What should he do? He could invent a plan that would _sound _like it would work, but leave holes in it so that it would work to the advantage of Suna. But he couldn't do that to his friends and family in Konoha, either.

The third option was this: refuse to design strategies at all. Just refuse. Tsunade could punish him however she wanted. Except, that was what he'd done so far, and it was almost as bad as the other options. Every time someone was injured, or didn't come back, he wondered if he could had saved them with a good plan. Ino was in the hospital and Lee was badly injured.So what to do? He knew that those were his only options, and none of them were good.

_There is another option_, whispered an insistent voice from the darkest corner of his mind. _You could remove yourself from the equation._

Suicide. That was an option. It wasn't pleasant, but neither were the other options. Suicide would be the lesser betrayal to both villages. Wouldn't it? He used to think death would be awful, but now it smiled and beckoned, dark, but safe. Perhaps it was his time.

Of course, suicide was the coward's way out. It was the single most cowardly act possible. But then, hadn't he once professed to be Konoha's number one coward?

**Okay, I liked the ending. I'm sure lots of you don't, but I do. Flames will be used to roast marshmallows, so don't bother. I'm a little bothered, though. This is my second one-shot involving suicide. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm one of the least suicidal peeps I know, but don't you think that must say something about me? Maybe I'm just a morbid person...  
**


End file.
